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Tuesday, August 23

Going With the Flow

Life is an adventure, isn't it? Well, mine has been. Seems I go from one thing to another or sometimes from ten things to another. Everything happens at once some times. What's that old saying? It never rains but what it pours?

Mom and I have been very close most of my life. We used to have the odd disagreement when I was a teen, but never since I've been an adult. Now within two weeks, we've had three disagreements and one was quiet hot and heavy. The reason for this is that Mom is having trouble downsizing her house. We've found that when her roof leaked and was replaced five years ago, that the downstairs room we were going to be using for a bedroom had never been properly cleaned. The carpet and the walls both had mold on them. We ripped up the carpet, treated the walls for mold, sealed the area, as instructed by a mold expert, and laid a beautiful new wood floor. All Mom did the entire time was criticize hubby and Brandon on the job they were doing, which was an excellent job. The room was very crooked and difficult to get perfect. Mom knows this. She and Dad practically build their home from the ground up and she knows that today's houses are not square or level. That was ignored and no one said a word.

Last week, Mom and I had words over a box of newspaper that she wanted to hoard. I told her it had to go into the garbage. That made her very angry. Now this newspaper smelled musty and was nasty. It was not something she could reuse. I took the box from her and put it into the garbage bag and she blew up.

The next disagreement was about a bunch of little fabric pieces no bigger than an inch square. She had a huge plastic bag of them. I told her they were absolutely no good. She said she knew someone who would use them and I told her to give them to that person then because she had no room for them. She won that round. They are still sitting in the family room, which is huge and it's piled halfway to the ceiling with fabric, craft items and things she will never use.

Round three was the other day when she tried to save plastic bags, greeting card boxes and more newspaper. We had quite a disagreement on that one because some of them were moldy. We also found that the laundry room has mold all down the north wall, which can be easily treated because it is cement. However, I'm to the point of giving up.

Mom wanted to stay in her home and was hoping we could help her out. I'm not sure I'm willing to do that any longer, because she is being unreasonable and not making good choices, or for that matter, any choices. She is just clinging to mildewed and moldy items and moving them from one room in the house to another. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.

8 comments:

  1. You might want to have a long talk with her when emotions aren't running hot although I suspect that her mind may not be where it once was. I also suspect that moving in with Mom might be difficult.

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  2. Sorry to hear this, Mary. It sounds like your mother has a problem with hoarding. If that is the case, it will continue to be very difficult to get her to part with things, even musty old newspapers. Here's a link to the Mayo Clinic's info on hoarding:
    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hoarding/DS00966
    If she is suffering from this, maybe you could get some tips from others who have loved ones with this problem.

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  3. Whoa... I can see myself in your mom... I'm checking out Tina's link... I have no suggestions. I thought it might be difficult to move in with your mom and it would be just as hard to have her move in with you. I hope you get it worked out to everyone's satisfaction. ((((hugs))))

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  4. Sorry to hear about the unpleasantness. I would suggest that someone take her on an errand and you can get rid of what needs to be done. My father's house was like that and I wish I had been more assertive when he was alive because it was a BIG JOB when he was gone. My prayers go with you. Peace

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  5. Oh, Mary, I'm so sorry this is happening. I can see why you would be having second thoughts about moving in with her. Not just because of her attitude but with all that mold and mildew in the house, it's not a very healthy place to live!! Your mom definitely does sound like she is a hoarder and being a sickness, trying to talk her into getting rid of stuff will continue being very difficult. Have you asked her if she wants to keep all her junk, complete with mold, or have you move in with her so that she can stay in the house? Give her that ultimatum and see what she says. Big hugs going your way. Will try to call you tomorrow, hoping for a quiet day:-) Been canning and pickling the last 2 days...go away for 4 days and the garden decides to go nuts! lol xoxo

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  6. First, neither the mold or her attitude is healthy for ANYone involved. Maybe, just maybe if you talk to her and discuss like adults instead of feuding adolescents you may find out she is having difficulties having someone move into HER territory also. It's not easy for either side, I'm sure.



    Good news and some MORE good news is my Friday post. Hope your weekend goes smoothly!!!

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  7. OMG -Mary,

    I'm sure that this is very hard for you...But, I'm kind of thinking like Anni - it's difficult to be independent and then have to rely on someone else...I know, I've been there. But for your Mom, she is old and set in her ways. She's spent a lifetime collecting her things - those things, even the newspapers, are bits and pieces of her life.

    And now, you having to live with your parent again - I know that's hard on you too.

    Compromise is the only answer - but health-wise, there should be no compromise. Mold can destroy your lungs and cause other very serious health problems - even death.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers..

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  8. OK, I'm gonna be REALLY blunt.

    This sounds exactly like early Alzheimers. Especially the anger over the useless items.

    Go and find all her family photographs. Store them or copies of them somewhere she can't get to...because the 2nd thing that children find cleaning out a parent's home is that the parent has slowly thrown away all photos that they "didn't know who that was" at the moment.

    I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I'm sorry to be blunt.

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