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Wednesday, January 25

Things Our Mother Taught Us





1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, ! that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

8 comments:

  1. OMG I haven't laughed so much in ages...my mother taught me all the same things, and I think I taught my daughter the same ones, too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha - that's a great list! My mom taught me those things as well!

    ReplyDelete
  3. First of all, love the new header and the new look of your blog.
    Ah, cute and I too have used that last line on Puppy. lol
    Still miss my Mother after all these years. I would just like to have one more of everything. Hug, call, etc
    Peace

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is fantastic.

    I wanted to stop by before I closed down the computer and want to go try and take a nap...I am feeling poorly today. This cold or flu is getting me down.

    PS...Mary, I just wanted you to know that you blog didn't open for me this morning through Internet Explorer....I know it's the 'comment threading', 'cause I had it on my blog also and found out that it only works in Chrome and Firefox. For some reason the scripting that Blogger has done for the new interface, well...it's making everything but our blog titles to not load.

    ReplyDelete
  5. They are all so true, aren't they! hehe I think I taught my own kids the same things too!! lol I so enjoyed this, Mary, thank you so much for posting it.

    Hope all is well, will have to give you another call soon. Time is going by so fast, hard to believe that we're at the end of January already. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
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