WELCOME!!!

WELCOME!!!

Tuesday, October 23

Woman to Woman: Dealing with Grief


"Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life." - Albert Einstein

This basically reflects my opinion on death. Recently my oldest grandson was asking questions about death. I told him that we all are afraid to die. I explained that death is a part of life... we are born, we grow into adulthood, we raise a family if we chose to, we grow old and we die. I referred to flowers that come to life in spring and die in the fall - the circle of life. Everything has a time to live and a time to die. I told him that as long as he remembers me and tells his children and grandchildren about me, I will continue to live in their hearts.

There is definitely a process to grieving. When Dad died suddenly in 1981, I began the grieving process with denial. I had seen him just a couple of hours earlier and he seemed to be fine. Then it was as if the world was surreal - nothing was the same. It would never be the same again and it never has been.

When we went to the funeral home, I insisted that Dad have an oak casket. He had always said that was what he wanted and that's what I wanted him to have. Dad loved wood, especially oak. His hobby was woodcraft.

I have lost many people in my life that were close to me. My first husband, a very close friend, uncles, aunts, my great-grandfather, two sets of grandparents, Dad and many others. What makes the process harder for me is when the person is young or dies suddenly. If someone is suffering, I feel they are blessed to be taken from their pain. Sure, I miss them, but it would be selfish to wish them to stay here on Earth when they are in so much pain.

There is a time for everything and God in His wisdom knows the perfect timing for both birth and death. Therefore, my grief is diminished because of my trust in Him.

How has grief touched your life? If you'd like to join Woman to Woman, go to Seeds from My Garden or My Many Colored Days and find out how to participate.

22 comments:

  1. The subject of dying is taboo in our culture. Yet it is an important passage that we all take, just as we are all born, as you mention. I work with dying people and most of them need to talk about it, but not many people will listen. You do well to talk naturally to your grandson about death.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ruth,

    Death is a part of life and the boys need to know that. When we accept death as part of life, we diminish the pain of grieving somewhat. I will talk with the boys about whatever subject they wish. The older boy and I have even discussed puberty when he asked me questions about it. I would not start such a conversation, but do talk to them openly about whatever they'd like to discuss.

    Thanks so much for your visits. I enjoy your comments and value your opinions.

    Blessings,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for sharing your feelings, enjoyed reading this.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you, Denise. I am keeping you in my prayers.

    Blessings,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  5. I lost several friends in my teens to sudden death. I was always one to try to make sense out of life and its meaning. These experiences of loss contributed a little to be going int to the ministry.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and feelings on death, Mary. It is really a touchy subject and a sad one that many people run from, but in the end it is something we must all accept.

    Blessings,
    Michele

    ReplyDelete
  7. I share your opinion on death.

    We have been dealing with our own kind of grief as the children lose their vision. In this sense I try to teach them, the loss is never total. No, they cannot see as they did before; but their memories of what they saw will always be there.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mary,
    I totally agree with what you said-There is a time for everything and God in His wisdom knows the perfect timing for both birth and death. Therefore, my grief is diminished because of my trust in Him.

    We can keep those who have passed on alive through our memories and photos.

    Thank you so much for sharing.

    Have a wonderful day filled with lots of love and laughter!
    Angela

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mary
    Thanks for sharing. When I was a young woman just out of high school I lost the first true love of my life, My Marteral Grandpa. Even after all these years when I think about the PAIN of lost, I get tears in my eyes.

    My Mother died in 98 and she had been sick for over three years and in the hospital more than home. So I miss her but would not wish her back to suffer more.

    Dad was always afraid of death and when he died suddenly in 2005, again I saw that as a blessing.

    Now we have this wonderful young cousin, see story on my blog dated 4-26-07, and death is near as she now has to have someone with her at all times.

    I think you are so kind to explain to the children about death.

    Peace

    ReplyDelete
  10. Without faith how could any of us make it through life? I like the way you explained death to you grandson.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My Mom died suddenly at the young age of 54 from a heart attack. I remember for months feeling like their was a black hole in my chest and nothing would ever fill that space again. Over the years that space has closed up a bit, but if I stop for a minute and reflect on it, that hole is still there and just as deep as ever. I do think that I went through the classic steps of grief - denial, anger, etc... Even these 9 years later there are times when I catch myself thinking "I need to tell Mom that", before I realize that she is not just a phone call away. Those moments are few now, but I think our loved ones never truly leave us.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear Mary ~~ I share the same thoughts as you about death being part of life. And you are so wise and wonderful to talk to your grandsons
    about death and many other subjects.
    Thank you for your comments, I am so
    glad that the jokes start your day with a chuckle. Takce care, Love, Merle.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Philip,

    Things that happen when we are young certainly have bearing on what we make of our lives. I'm sorry for your loss so many years ago. However, I do believe that these experiences give us wisdom and strength.

    Thanks for dropping by. I'm always happy to hear from you.

    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  14. Michelle,

    Yes, death is a part of life and when we accept it, our losses are less devastating.

    Hope you have a wonderful day.

    Blessings,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  15. cynthia,

    Bless you for teaching your children to accept that which cannot be changed. They will always remember what they saw and I'm grateful that they will have some vision. I keep you in my prayers.

    Blessings,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  16. Angela,

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I'm glad that you agree that we live on through the lives of those who love us.

    Blessings,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  17. lady di,

    You have suffered many losses, as I have. You have a good outlook on death and grieving. I will be praying for your cousin.

    Blessings,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  18. Linda,

    My grandmother taught me to accept things as they are. She always told me that God's timing is perfect.

    Thanks for your kind words about teaching the boys about death. I would like them to be prepared when they lose those that they love. My maternal great-grandfather, when he was dying, that he would be leaving me to go to a better place. I was very young but remember him well. He prepared me for his passing.

    Thanks for visiting. I enjoyed your comments.

    Blessings,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  19. Paula,

    Dad died in 1981. For many years I would start to say, "I'll get Dad to do that for me," and then realize that he was gone. Dad taught me many lessons and prepared me for the time when he would no longer be here. However, even after all these years, I still miss him.

    Blessings,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  20. Merle,

    The boys know they can talk to me about anything. I've always told them that I will listen and try to teach them how to cope with problems. I don't do everything for them, as they need to learn to solve their own problems, but I do listen and give advice. When talking about subjects such as death, I try to use the wisdom my grandmother and mother taught me.

    I love your jokes. They alway brighten my day.

    Bless you, sweet Merle.

    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thank you for joining in on the forum this week. Grieving is certainly a huge process when it touches our lives. I, too, am grateful for a faith that guides me through it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. morning glory,

    I was glad to join the forum. Grief is something we all have to deal with at one time or another during our lives. I hope the forum helps those who are grieving.

    Blessings,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete